we are not meant to avoid suffering, rejection and heartbreak. but we’re also not meant to be devoid of in-person connection, spontaneity and the juvenile energy of a new crush. our phones have slowly enabled us to put up cushy padded walls up under the guise of self-help and betterment when in reality what we should be prioritizing is learning more about ourselves through soaking up experiences that span from uncomfortable to euphorically buoyant, and none of that will happen if we do not live a life offline.

Derek Thompson captured this new level of connectivity perfectly: "The radio set used to be a living room fixture. In order to listen to the radio, it was necessary to be at home. Then the car radio liberated the radio from the living room, and the television set replaced its corner of the living room. Then the smartphone liberated video from the television screen and put it on a mobile device that fit in people’s pockets."

Better technology means higher expectations. Keep up with current events and the latest TV shows. Be informed on social issues. Connect with friends frequently. Work harder and longer. Always be connected. These expectations have huge implications on how we experience time.

If you lose ten, twenty, or thirty minutes to frivolous phone use on a multiple-times-daily basis (I sure do), it might make sense to regard it as belonging to a much higher stratum of concern than we tend to assume. Instead of grouping it with I-probably-shouldn’t-but-who-cares sorts of behaviors, like rewatching barely-worthwhile TV shows or kicking off your shoes without untying them, perhaps it belongs with possibly-catastrophic vices like daily deep-fried lunch, road raging, or smoking.

Boredom, like hunger, is uncomfortable. When we’re bored, our brains crave stimuli. Brains evolved in a place where information, like calories, was rare; so we crave all kinds, good or bad, true or false. Let’s compare this to the food metaphor above. When we find ourselves alone with no stimuli:

What we want is to ease feelings of boredom.

What we need is trustworthy news, and meaningful social connection.

What we crave is stimuli (of any kind).

What algorithmic feeds provide is the thing we crave, with none of the “nutrition” we need.

In order to feel grounded mentally, we need both reliable information about our environment, and safe social connections. We need them just as much as we need food. If we’re going to start somewhere, taking control of our digital feeds and stocking them with the best sources of both will go a long way. But there are benefits to (occasionally) going without, too.

When we don’t have food, our bodies burn fat for energy, but only after exhausting all other options (like making you super hangry). Anyone who’s tried fasting for a period of time can attest that after a short while, the urgent feeling of hunger kinda moves to the background. It doesn’t go away exactly, but getting food now feels less pressing over time, not more. We probably evolved this way because it’s hard to think straight when you’re hungry, and if there’s no food immediately accessible, the people who could think clearest were better able to figure out the whole “no food” problem.

Our brains have their own built-in boredom-fixer, too. “Creativity” is the means by which our brains ease boredom when no easier stimuli exists. Creativity is good for us. It helps us solve problems and plan for the future. But creativity can’t be triggered directly. If it could, painters wouldn’t need studios and writers wouldn’t need long walks. The road to creativity passes through boredom.