I’ve noticed that the people who lament that we “have no rituals left” in our society are often the same people who are anti-marriage, or just go to the courthouse. Who don’t walk at their graduation ceremonies. Who don’t wear black lace to funerals. Who don’t own a suit. Who don’t send Christmas cards or take off shoes at the door or take into account the folk superstitions their mother did. They instead devise their own ceremonies and perform them alone.
Do we not have ritual? Or do we just rebel against the most salient ones to our culture, while seeking foreign ones with less baggage? Might grappling with the baggage be an inherent part of ritual? Ritual requires communal participation to be effective. Everyone making their own is just more isolation.
I love weddings, funerals, graduations. I think institutions matter. I love hanging Christmas lights, sending an annual card, and baking. I love giving candy to trick or treaters and dressing up. I love thanksgiving dinner. I love marriage and giving the traditional anniversary gifts to my partner each year. I love learning and following etiquette. Leaning into participation in my culture, with eyes open to the problematic histories of some them, has made my life markedly better and more connected.