Tech Worker Lexicon

C.E. Bro
The Chief Executive Officer of a startup who is a man and amplifies all the worst attributes of masculinity. Reads short books on effective leadership skills. Quotes Elon Musk. Will probably go on vacation and order his CTO to fire you unless his board of directors fires him first. You lose either way.

Funemployment
Losing one's job but having enough savings from salary and severance to not work for up to a year. Bonus months if the startup was acquired and your options got bought back.

Our Incredible Journey
AKA Acquihire. When a startup is acquired, the CEO immediately begins to work at the acquiring company then shuts down their former product. The email informing users of the shutdown must use phrases similar to "it's been an incredible journey but..."

Theil's Kids
Formally called The Theil Fellows, these are children (teenagers really) whom billionaire super-villian Peter Theil has selected to participate in a private network of tech business influencers and investors. You must be 16 years old to be selected.

Grimes's Boyfriend
A billionaire super-villian named Elon Musk. Convinced his girlfriend (who records and performs music under the name Grimes) to act out all his fantasies in a song.

Legit Startup
A phrase used by C.E. Bro or his executive assistant to characterize their startup as legitimate. It is a form of magical thinking where if one repeats this incantation enough reality will begin to make it so.

TWC
The Tech Workers Coalition. A labor advocacy organization to help technology workers organize for labor rights similar to those which exist in older more stable parts of industrial society. Solidarity with some socialist organizations. The Good Guys in the struggle.

Sand Hill Road
The name of a street near Stanford University in Palo Alto. A sprawl of post-modern suburban office parks line the road. Inside the offices are people who lead the technology revolution by funding startups through Venture Capital firms.

a16z
The colloquial spelling of the Venture Capital firm Andreesen-Horowitz. Mark Andreesen was the co-founder of the Netscape web browser, which if you have a computer, you probably use every day in one way or another.

Patagucci
A popular business casual fashion trend among VC guys. It is a moderately insulated vest made by the apparel company named Pagagonia. Typically worn over a long sleeve button down shirt.

Unlimited PTO
A accounting trick to bypass California's labor laws, which entitle employees to be repaid their accumulated Paid Time Off upon termination. If the company doesn't issue PTO hours, there's no way to repay them, right?

Golden Handcuffs
When a tech worker dislikes their job or the overall direction of the company but rather than quitting, continues to work without attracting much attention. This way the worker can continue to collect large paychecks without much effort. Very resistant to recruiters.

Keto Diet
A diet trend that includes high fat / low carbohydrate foods. Excellent for weight loss. Partially a mood stabilizer. C. E. Bro thinks it make his brain smarter, mutating him into a "super human" who can lead workers better than all other humans.

Mars Lyf3
A trend among many prominent billionaire super-villians to promote or engage in private space programs to advance the exploration of Mars. Many act out of self-interest because they see how their corporate activities could lead to the destruction of Earth. Notable figures are Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos.

Zeitgiest
A German word for the cutting edge of today's culture and technology. Also the name of a cool beer garden in the Mission neighborhood of San Francisco.

Schendenfruede
A German word to describe enjoyment through observing the suffering of others. Common in startup culture and information security.