The silence that surrounds me makes her absence most acute but at the same time gives her a strange kind of presence: I get to be caught within metaphysical mirrors. I am confused, or, rather, I am realizing that being, or not being, cannot be dealt with with thinking, but are matters of experience, experienced often in murky waters, and that their intensity creates waves that invade us, that leave us stunned. There's no resolution in somebody's final absence.