- DON’T SMOKE CIGARETTES.
- DRIVE OLD JAPANESE CARS. EASY AND CHEAP TO FIX & THEY RUN FOR FUCKING EVER.
- BUY MOST OF YOUR GROCERIES FROM THE PRODUCE SECTION. MOST OF THAT OTHER SHIT IS NOT ACTUALLY FOOD. YOU DON’T NEED IT.
- RIDE YOUR BIKE INSTEAD OF DRIVING AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. YOU NEED THE EXERCISE AND GAS IS EXPENSIVE.
- DON’T HAVE KIDS. THEY’RE NOT MIRACLES, THEY’RE PEOPLE. 7 BILLION IS TOO FUCKING MANY. FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO GIVE YOUR DULL EXISTENCE SOME MEANING. BTW THEY’RE EXPENSIVE.
- GET YOUR CLOTHES FROM THRIFT STORES. WITH THE PHYSIQUE YOU’LL HAVE FROM RIDING YOUR BIKE, YOU’LL LOOK HOT WEARING ANYTHING.
- LEARN TO FIX THINGS. TONS OF GREAT BOOKS AND YOUTUBE VIDS ON FIXING ANYTHING. OR ASK AN OLD DUDE. PEOPLE USED TO FIX THINGS. NO SHIT.
- LEARN A TRADE – CARPENTRY, PLUMBING, ELECTRICAL, AUTO MECHANICS, TAILORING, COMPUTER/ELECTRONICS REPAIR, SOMETHING THEY CAN’T FUCKING OUTSOURCE. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MASTERS IN DOSTOYEVSKY OR YOUR HIGH SCORE ON WORLD OF WARCRAFT…. FIX SOMETHING, DUMBASS, FIX SOMETHING!
- IF YOU LIKE BOOZE, DRINK AT HOME WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS. DRUNK DRIVING IS FOR ASSHOLES, RICH ONES WITH LAWYERS.
- DO PEOPLE FAVORS. IT’S CALLED COOPERATION. IT’S HOW THE WORLD WORKED BEFORE MONEY. THEY WILL RETURN THE FAVOR, OR SOMEONE WILL. NO SHIT. THIS REALLY WORKS.
- MAKE THINGS – LOOK AROUND YOU. WHAT DO YOU SEE? YAH, SHITTY STUFF MADE BY IMPOVERISHED ENSLAVED PEOPLE FAR AWAY. PICK ANYTHING. MAKE A BETTER ONE. PEOPLE WANT GOOD SHIT. YOU WON’T GET RICH, BUT YOU’LL GET BY.
- IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA – DON’T GET SICK AND AVOID INJURY. WEAR YOUR FUCKING HELMET AND PUT LIGHTS ON YOUR BIKE.
- FIND WORK YOU LOVE. IF YOU CAN’T DO THAT, THEN FIND A JOB WHERE YOU LOVE THE PEOPLE.
- JUNKIES AND ADDICTS ARE LIKE TODDLERS. THEY JUST WANT TO SHIT ALL OVER YOU AND EVERYTHING. THE MESSES THEY MAKE CAN GET EXPENSIVE. AVOID THEM IF YOU CAN.
- DON’T BUY SHIT ON CREDIT, REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO AMERICA? CASH ONLY, FUCKERS. CAN’T AFFORD IT? DON’T FUCKING BUY IT!
- PREVENTABLE EXPENSES – STD’S, ABORTIONS, DWI’S, LUNG CANCER, HEAD INJURIES, SPEEDING TICKETS, CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER.
- DON’T GO ON FANCY DATES IF YOU’RE NOT FANCY. MOST PEOPLE KIND OF DESPISE THE RICH ANYWAY.
- WHEN YOU GO SEE SHOWS, BRING A FLASK IN. THAT WAY YOU CAN AFFORD TO BUY A RECORD.
- IF YOU HAD TOLD ME 15 YEARS AGO THAT COCA COLA WOULD PUT TAP WATER IN PLASTIC BOTTLES AND MOTHERFUCKERS WOULD BUY IT …… NO FUCKIN WAY.
- DON’T GET CABLE. ASSHOLE. THERE IS NOTHING ON. I PROMISE. $100 A MONTH ? FUCK NO!
THIS LIST WAS EDITED BY STACEY YATES WITH CONTRIBUTIONS FROM JHEREK BISHOFF, CHAD RAINES & AMANDA PALMER. WE LIVE IN A WASTEFUL SOCIETY. LIVE WELL. IT DON’T TAKE MUCH. REALLY.
— THOR HARRIS